Clean up your yard and put some spring in your ste

Spring is finally here! (Fortunately it doesn’t need a place to sleep.) Time to venture out to the yard and feel the sun on your face, the breeze on your back, and grass pollens in your nose. (Don’t you just love hay fever?)

Of course, you won’t be able to venture very far because the grass is now waist-high. At least it explains the rustling you’ve been hearing at night, and the poachers lining up at the front gate.

Everything else seems to have grown too—the garden, the trees, and the rubbish pile. Mind you, the rubbish pile isn’t much of a pile any more. In fact it’s grown wider rather than higher because it’s a long way from the back door and you don’t have a very good throwing arm.

Unfortunately, the yard is what separates the house from… well, everything else. So before you can even think of taking a relaxing bike ride (at least until the magpies start swooping), you need to get it all cut and cleared.

Cutting everything back is the first step of any backyard clear out and it shouldn’t be too hard, as long as you have the right tools. A whipper snipper  is probably a better option than a scythe because you’ll need one hand free to continually blow your nose. (Stupid hay fever.)

And when that’s done, you should call us. Just tell us where you live (“It’s the house with the poachers out the front”) and we’ll take everything away for you—the grass, the tree limbs, and the rubbish “pile” that seems to be growing wider by the minute. You don’t even need to be there, which means you can head to the chemist for some hay fever tablets.

Once the yard’s been cleared, the wildlife captured and relocated, and the poachers told to try next door, it’s time to enjoy the fabulous spring weather. So grab your bike, put on your helmet (with eyes painted on to keep the magpies at bay), and head off to wherever your fancy takes you.

Oh, and watch out for poachers.

Out with the old…

You still can’t quite believe it.

You’re holding your official statement from the tax department (motto: “What’s yours is ours—eventually.”) But instead of telling you how much you owe and which kidney you’re better off selling, there’s actually a cheque at the bottom.

The tax department is actually giving you a refund.

And unlike the ones you’ve had before, this one has more numbers before the decimal point than after it.

So now you’re thinking about the best way to use the money. Do you put it towards the mortgage, pay off your credit card, or maybe invest it in…

Ha! Just kidding. What you really want to do is buy a new television. A big one you can actually watch from the couch instead of needing to sit a metre in front of it.

And speaking of couches, you want to get a new one of them as well. You’re sick of sinking so far down you need a grappling hook to get out again. You can even reclaim the blanket that’s currently hiding all the rips and tears.

The question is, what do you do with the old ones?

You could do what most people do—haul them out onto your nature strip and hope someone will take them off your hands. But while the TV may find a new home, there’s a good chance the couch may become a permanent fixture. (Even the council has to draw the line somewhere.)

Worse still, you may even find your neighbours sitting on it, complaining they can’t get anything on the TV. (You’re pretty sure they came from the shallow end of the gene pool.)

Or you can forget all the dramas and just call Brizzy Rubbish Removals. They’ll swing by your house, pick them up and take them away for you. You don’t even have to haul them outside. They’ll do all the heavy lifting for you.

And unlike your neighbours they won’t yell out “Geez, what’s that smell?” at the top of their lungs on the way out.

On second thoughts, maybe you should haul them out onto the nature strip first and then call Brizzy Rubbish Removals.

If you’re lucky, they’ll take your neighbours away too.

Getting rid of a few bits

Remember when mobile phones first arrived? They cost a fortune to buy, were about the size of a house brick, and weighed just as much. (That’s why all the tradesmen all them—they were the only people strong enough to carry one.) But these days you can a mobile phone for next to nothing and slip it into your pocket.

That’s the great thing about technology—everything is getting smaller, faster and cheaper. And that’s great if you’re buying your first computer.

It’s not so great, however, if you’re buying your fifth.

And let’s face it: once you’ve owned a computer for a couple it becomes annoying to use. Especially when your kids keep complaining it’s not powerful enough to play Space Death Zombie IV.

But what can you do with those old computers gathering dust/sitting in your cupboard/keeping the back door open? It’s not as if you can sell them. (“Oh, sorry. I thought you wanted to pay me to take it.”)

And if you tried donating them to a local school they’d only be used as an example of ancient history.
One thing you can’t do is just throw them away. (If they’re particularly old you won’t even be able to lift them.) The bits and pieces that make up the insides of your computer (other than dust) are full of nasty chemicals that can leak out and cause major damage to the environment. And you thought the virus that ate your report was nasty.

Fortunately, Brizzy Rubbish Removals can solve the problem for you. They can come and pick up your old gear (computers, monitors, keyboards, etc.) and take them to one of Brisbane's premier recycling stations.

Important note: Before you get rid of them, make sure no-one can get the data off the hard drives by either running an erase program or destroying them with a hammer. The first method is more secure, but the second is much more fun.

So now, thanks to Brizzy Rubbish Removals you can finally get rid of all those old computers once and for all.

All you need to do is find something to keep the back door open.

Getting fit for a refit

As they say in real estate, it’s all about “location, location, location”. Which makes you wonder if the people who work there have a real problem with their short-term memory.

The good news is that after weeks of searching you’ve finally found the perfect location to set up your business. It’s got plenty of space, and has everything you need close by—parking, ATMs and a pub where you can wind down after a long day/morning/meeting.

Unfortunately it looks like the previous owners celebrated their last day at the same pub before coming back to “clean up”. There’s a mountain of broken chairs in one corner, desks overturned and scattered across the room, and rubbish everywhere. And the carpet is stained so badly you half expect to see a pool of blood and a chalk outline.

(One thing’s for sure: they definitely won’t be getting their bond money back.)

Unfortunately, before you can even think about starting your refit all that stuff needs to go. Either that or you become a landlord and rent it out as a college dormitory. (Believe me, the kids won’t mind how it looks.)

But the last thing you want to do is haul it all away yourself. Not only will it add weeks to your schedule, you can’t remember when you last had a tetanus shot.

Fortunately, you don’t have to.

Just give Brizzy Rubbish Removals a call. They’ll come to the rescue by taking away those old desks, broken chairs and anything else you want to get rid of. Yes, they’ll even take that disgusting carpet—probably to forensics. Office rubbish removal is par for the course for our boys.

And that means you can get on with the important stuff, like finding out when Happy Hour starts at the pub.

Congratulations on finding the perfect location, and good luck with your business. We hope it’s such a success you get to have a day off now and then.

Because you really should get that tetanus shot.

Out with the old…

You still can’t quite believe it.

You’re holding your official statement from the tax department (motto: “What’s yours is ours—eventually.”) But instead of telling you how much you owe and which kidney you’re better off selling, there’s actually a cheque at the bottom.

The tax department is actually giving you a refund.

And unlike the ones you’ve had before, this one more numbers before the decimal point than after it.

So now you’re thinking about the best way to use the money. Do you put it towards the mortgage, pay off your credit, or maybe invest it in…

Ha! Just kidding. What you really want to do is buy a new television. A big one you can actually watch from the couch instead of needing to sit a metre in front of it.

And speaking of couches, you want to get a new one of them as well. You’re sick of sinking so far down you need a grappling hook to get out again. You can even reclaim the blanket that’s currently hiding all the rips and tears.

The question is, what do you do with the old ones?

You could do what most people do—haul them out onto your nature strip and hope someone will take them off your hands. But while the TV may find a new home, there’s a good chance the couch may become a permanent fixture. (Even the council has to draw the line somewhere.)

Worse still, you may even find your neighbours sitting on it, complaining they can’t get anything on the TV. (You’re pretty sure they came from the shallow end of the gene pool.)

Or you can forget all the dramas and just call Brizzy Rubbish Removals. They’ll swing by your house, pick them up and take them away for you. You don’t even have to haul them outside. They’ll do all the heavy lifting for you.

And unlike your neighbours they won’t yell out “Geez, what’s that smell?” at the top of their lungs on the way out.

On second thoughts, maybe you should haul them out onto the nature strip first and then call Brizzy Rubbish Removals.

If you’re lucky, they’ll take your neighbours away too.

Gadget Hounded

Thanks to those clever people we affectionately call “nerds”, technology is getting smaller, faster and cheaper every day. Except for televisions, which will soon be measured in square kilometres.
Unfortunately it also means by the time you get your new gadget home it’s already obsolete.
This is great for the nerds, who keep adding millions to their bank account but nothing to their wardrobe. But for the rest of us, it poses two major questions:

How can we afford to keep buying new gadgets?

What do we do with the old ones?

The answer to the first one is simple. We keep using our credit card until the numbers on the front resemble our monthly repayments.

Unfortunately, answering the second one isn’t so straightforward.

In the good old days we could simply offload… sorry, “pass them down” to our children, who were happy to receive anything they could break and not get in trouble for. But these days kids are more tech-savvy than we’ll ever be, and wouldn’t touch anything we’ve owned with a laser pointer.

You could try selling it online, but it’s probably too old to attract any buyers and too new to catch the interest of your local museum. And by the time you factor in the seller fees, the hassles of posting it, and the public humiliation of ever owning such a thing, it probably isn’t worth it anyway.

Another option is to take it to the local dump. But along with the hassles of actually taking it there, you also risk your gear contaminating the ground, or even being re-programmed by cockroaches to destroy mankind.

Fortunately, Brizzy Rubbish Removals can help. Not only will they collect your old television for you, they’ll take it to one of Brisbane’s premier recycling stations, where it will be disposed of properly. No worries about contaminating the ground, and no chance of it falling into the hands of evil cockroach overlords.

That means you can relax and get on with more important issues. Like trying to understand the manual that came with your latest gadget.

Trashed Again

You made it through another year. Well done.

And let’s face it: it was tough, particularly towards the end. You had to survive not only the Christmas cavalcade of visitors, gifts and meals, but also New Year’s Eve. But you got through it all, although you’ve vowed once again to give up alcohol. (You now consider it one of your ‘traditions’.) 

Unfortunately it now means you’ve got one hell of a mess to clean up. And that’s after you wake up everyone in your lounge room and tell them to go home.


First there’s the wrapping paper and packaging left behind from all those presents. The wrapping paper you can handle, but the packaging almost feels like a conspiracy. The boxes are huge, but when you open them you realise it’s 90% Styrofoam. (The manufacturers got the idea after opening a packet of chips that was 90% air.)


Then there’s the leftover food that, despite having leftovers three nights in a row, still hasn’t disappeared. Even the dog takes one look and walks away thinking, “No thanks. I’d rather eat grass”.


Then there’s the evidence of what was supposed to be a quiet New Year’s Eve celebration. You’ve probably got enough bottles, cans and wine bladders for an Arts graduate to create an award-winning sculpture. Well, maybe when the yard stops spinning.


And like any other New Year’s Eve party, you probably have the odd piece of garden furniture that didn’t quite make it through the night. (We won’t mention the clothesline leaning at a weird angle, as if you’re trying to pick up radio transmissions from outer space.)


Fortunately Brizzy Rubbish Removals can help. They can collect all your rubbish and take it away for you. (Unfortunately you’ll have to deal with the guy sleeping on your couch on your own.) And the only time you’ll need to lift a finger is to block your ears when the bottles start clinking together.


Which is good, because the way your head is at the moment, the less you have to move the better.